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  • Hope


Updated: Oct 1, 2023

“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” — Carl Jung

Not everyone survives but for those of us who do, life with all its ups and downs has a way of bringing us back full circle. If we are paying attention, it can teach us how to live and what's worth living for.

I never thought I was capable of this. Not in a million years did I ever think I would fall so far down into the deep dark recesses of a troubled mind. To become someone like this was heart breaking, devastating, earth shattering. Some nights as I layed my head on my pillow, it felt as if I was living someone else's life. A dream I would never awake from. Doomed to wander through the same sad cycle of a sorrow and despair.

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A plethora of emotions took over my life, as I entered a place of utter hopelessness. Living a life of secrets and lies, far outside your own truth can feel exhilarating at first - that is, until the alcohol wears off and the truth of how far you have fallen rears its unbounding head, screaming loudly in your mind, that this is not who you want to be in this world!

During my affair with alcohol the past 8 years, I was living as my own slave. A slave to my reactivity and instinctual urges. I regularly suppressed and ignored my internal values and logical mind in order to experience almost instant gratification and unrestrained destructive behavior. As a result, I became overwhelmed with shame and disgust of who I had become. I was guided exclusively by my own ticky tacky drama filled story and feelings, only concerning myself with me and ignoring everyone else around me that I purported to love.

In the process of living this way, I lost the most valuable thing: myself.

When we indulge in behaviors that deviate from our personal value systems, our ability to think logically gets weaker and weaker over time. Before we know it, our lives start falling apart, our relationships are in shambles, people feel disconnected from us, and we struggle to get close to anyone. We find ourselves unhappy, and we don’t know why. Our inability to truly express ourselves, show our vulnerabilities, expose our shortcomings, and cope with discomfort stunts our growth and potential to live in a place of truth.

Hope and strength began presenting itself to me when I was able to do just that. Truly express out loud what was happening to my life.

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Giving yourself time to become more aware of yourself and your internal experience will allow you to manifest into action what you truly want. Experiencing your true self will help keep you feeling real, healthy, and truly satisfied, giving you the push you need to continue down that path. Becoming more self-aware will help you change your behaviors and stop filling the void inside you in unhealthy ways. It will open up a new journey, returning to you your own voice and rewarding you with a life that feels like your own.

The highest currency you’ll ever have is self-awareness. It's mightier and more valuable than all the gold in the world. Without it, it’s impossible to know what you need to change.

You may have an understanding of what needs to change in your life. Like me, you may have become aware of it through your relationships, traumatic events, people's responses to you, or your reactions to them. Being vulnerable and open to change means accepting all of your story and taking responsibility for your role in it. It isn’t about blaming others for it, acting like a victim, or ignoring your truth. Becoming who you truly are is a process. It's an upward battle, but we all can beat the odds and be truly free.

If you feel powerless over your life and a victim to your circumstances, it’s time to look in the mirror and accept responsibility for your story and choose something new.

When I was at my lowest, I asked myself -- if I wanted to live a life of pleasure or purpose?

Most of us aren’t used to doing what’s uncomfortable for us. We live our lives avoiding the tough decisions and doing what we've always done, even if it isn't working for us.

In the moment, it seems like we’ve found a shortcut. But as it turns out, that shortcut ends up being the long way.

The truth is, I was afraid to truly live because something deep within me felt I wasn't worthy of happiness, peace of mind, love, family, success. So, I did what I always did, until I didn't.

I eventually found my way back to my true authentic self and I truly believe me never losing hope, was my beacon of light. Hope became my truth, maybe it can be yours too.

Follow this author on X @CarliFrueh


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